Forums :: NEW! Web Resources :: Features :: Photo Gallery :: Vintage Radio Shows :: Archives
Support This Site: Contributors :: Advertise


It is currently Oct Wed 27, 2021 10:56 pm


All times are UTC [ DST ]





Post New Topic Post Reply  [ 10 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sat 25, 2021 9:12 pm 
Member
User avatar

Joined: Jun Sat 18, 2011 3:36 am
Posts: 2602
Location: Milton, FL 32570
As a child, I thought about being a musician, but all my efforts fell flat.

In High School, my teachers seemed to be pushing a career as an astronaut, but then I realized they had something else in mind when they said I was “a real space cadet.”


My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate.


Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe.

I had hopes of being a professional Bridge player, but I had no finesse so they shuffled me out the door.

Next, I became a personal trainer, but was asked to leave because I wasn’t working out.

I tried working in a muffler factory, but I found that too exhausting.

So, I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but in the end I didn’t have the patients for it.

Next was a job in a shoe factory. I tried, I really did, but I just didn’t fit in.

As a professional fisherman, I couldn’t catch on and hence I couldn’t live on my net income.

So I tried computer software, but couldn’t get with the program.

I thought I might be one of those professional eaters—pies, hot dogs, and the like—but I didn’t have the stomach for it.

After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian—until I realized there was no future in it.

I was beginning to feel like my grandfather who was an executioner in the old West. He could never get the hang of it, so they cut him loose.

My last job was working in Starbucks, but I eventually quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I tried retirement, and you know what? I’m perfect for the job.

_________________
Thanks,
Jason
N1EBC


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sat 25, 2021 10:01 pm 
Member

Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 2056
Location: Oswego, NY, USA
Ha, Ha......it's so uplifting to share your humor....

Fred


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sat 25, 2021 10:14 pm 
Member

Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 1277
Location: Pasadena CA USA
Accident Report
"Dear Sir: I am writing in response to your request for additional information on the accident reporting form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust that the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note on my accident form that my weight is 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel, which was now proceeding in a downward direction at an equally impressive rate of speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions, and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident reporting form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time, I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel weighed approximately 50 pounds. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks, and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked.

I am sorry to report, however, that, as I lay there on the pile of bricks in pain, unable to move and watching the barrel six stories above me, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope."


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sat 25, 2021 11:33 pm 
Member
User avatar

Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 652
Location: Houston TX
"The resume [OP] sounds like a perfect fit for me!" said Tom swiftly. :?

_________________
Walter


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sun 26, 2021 12:45 am 
Member

Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 1374
Location: Hartford, KY
Amusing piece.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sun 26, 2021 1:24 am 
Member

Joined: Apr Thu 23, 2020 1:20 am
Posts: 185
Location: Niagara-on-the-Lake, ON, Canada
Well done reeves03!!!!! Did you write that yourself?

_________________
I know I got a problem, but it's a good one.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sun 26, 2021 2:32 am 
Member
User avatar

Joined: Jun Sat 18, 2011 3:36 am
Posts: 2602
Location: Milton, FL 32570
No i pulled it from QRZ. I'm not even old enough to retire yet. Still haven't hit the 50 yet.

But it made my wife chuckle a bit so i thought I'd share it with others.

_________________
Thanks,
Jason
N1EBC


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sun 26, 2021 2:37 am 
Member
User avatar

Joined: Dec Sun 21, 2014 6:37 am
Posts: 2472
Location: Portland, TN, USA
Thanks for passing it on, Jason.

My wife and I both had a good chuckle and then sent it on to an OLD friend who is all about puns.

_________________
73, de Chuck K4CCW

If talk is cheap, it's because the supply usually exceeds the demand.


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sun 26, 2021 3:53 am 
Member

Joined: Jun Sat 09, 2007 8:14 am
Posts: 5112
Location: Melbourne, Florida
J. Hill wrote:
.......When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which, fortunately, was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.

Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note on my accident form that my weight is 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building. .......


A college friend of mine related a similar story to me. He was working on a construction site during the summer. There were two guys on the roof. They had some heavy stuff that needed to come down. They had been using a gin pole and pulley arrangement to get things up so they decided to use it to get the stuff down. They told a guy on the ground who was kind of small hold the rope. When they released the load it jerked the guy up. He let go and fell about ten feet and was shaken up but not hurt. When my friend yelled "why did you do that, you should have known he couldn't hold it", the guys on the roof replied "he said he could".

They're everywhere.

RRM


Top
 Profile  
 
 Post subject: Re: The Resume
PostPosted: Sep Sun 26, 2021 5:29 am 
Member
User avatar

Joined: Jan Thu 01, 1970 1:00 am
Posts: 4674
Location: Perrysburg, OH, 43551 U.S.A.
"We now resume our regular programming ..."
John

_________________
“Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.”
― R. A. Heinlein


Top
 Profile  
 
Post New Topic Post Reply  [ 10 posts ]  Moderator: Alan Voorhees

All times are UTC [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: beljum, Blustar1, fifties, master_of_none, OldRelic, processhead, simplex1040 and 20 guests



Search for:
Jump to:  


































Privacy Policy :: Powered by phpBB