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 Post subject: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:37 am 
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She is perhaps a few years younger than me and asked me question about the hardest things being a man i told her the loneliness and she was shocked and heart broken. I thought i was too direct and should have used a different word. What would you say?

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:38 am 
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Sounds accurate.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:49 am 
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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:56 am 
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Jake old boy, ya gave her the straight dope from your perspective. I wouldn't try to second guess myself. You were being honest.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:58 am 
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First of all, you were asked a pretty general, vague and, not to be too harsh, stupid question.

Which made me think of the movie ‘As Good as it Gets’ and a question Melvin Udall was asked....

Jackie: How do you write like women so well? (Close enough, as I remember)
Melvin Udall: I think like a man. And I take away reason and accountability.

As far as your answer goes.........now I have that Roy Orbison song going though my head......and maybe the one by The Motels in the early 80s.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:03 am 
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It would depend on my relationship with her. Friend, trusted friend, romantic prospect, adversary, aspiring manager, manager, they would get different responses. It would depend on the type of business. A private construction firm is much different than government sector on behavioral expectations.

A safe bet would be, "interesting question, why do you ask ?" Shut up and listen, then look for an exit.

Be careful, a female co-worker asking you this could be a trap. Tread lightly. Be careful to not share your views with co-workers. Someone will find a reason to be offended. Stay superficial and stay employed. It could be an awkward romantic advance. It could be she is of a very gender-centric bias an looking to pick a fight.

30 years in a government shop run by women makes me very careful about such interactions.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:06 am 
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Great advice from Scot.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:13 am 
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Maybe she'll invite you to supper... :)

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:21 am 
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She is the only friend i am close too... I have worked with her for a long time i try not to get personal and close to people at my work but it was a question that popped up during lunch break she did apologize but i told here told her to not worry.

Me and her do have interesting chats during lunch and i appreciate them it helps pass the time because break is a nice time to unwind during a repetitive and mundane work day which is every day.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:22 am 
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jake wells wrote:
She is perhaps a few years younger than me and asked me question about the hardest things being a man i told her the loneliness and she was shocked and heart broken. I thought i was too direct and should have used a different word. What would you say?

I think that was a very heartfelt and honest response. And I agree.

Guys are taught stoicism from an early age. This is a useful and often necessary skill for human beings, but going it alone leads to loneliness. And keeping up that facade 24/7/365 is just stupid and often born out of fear someone's going to take advantage of you. Screw that. Eva once said "Guys are dicks to each other." Yeah, we often are. Interacting with other human beings as if they're actual human beings is not such a bad thing.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 2:30 am 
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Like folks in the Dirty 30's, try to keep on the sunny side. It will help you on your way, it will brighten every day. :D

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Last edited by westcoastjohn on Jun Wed 19, 2019 3:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 2:41 am 
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jake wells wrote:
She is perhaps a few years younger than me and asked me question about the hardest things being a man i told her the loneliness and she was shocked and heart broken. I thought i was too direct and should have used a different word. What would you say?


There are several plausible ways to interpret that question . . . the most glaring of which would be inappropriate for this forum. Shocked and heartbroken? Not knowing your situation (none of my business), I can't imagine a scenario where such a question might come up. Methinks your conversational skills might need a little spiffing up, Jake? I don't think bizarre is too far from an apt description of your post. Then again, I'm not privy to what libations your break times might include . . . .

No offense to you, but that's just totally off the wall :shock:

Dan


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 3:52 am 
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my opinion and it is just an opinion:

remember, it is 2019, not even 2009 anymore. I would bet that "harassment" would be defined as anything that offends someone and workplaces will go to extremes to not get a lawsuit of such "subject matter" against them.

I know a guy who regularly wore a trench coat to work when it rained. after columbine, people complained because it "offended them". HR told him not to wear it anymore... :| .

be careful in the workplace, not paranoid, but be careful as others have said.

you were asked an honest question.

you gave an honest answer.

I was not there, but what I can take from it, there is no harm, no foul.

you can't help how you feel and being honest with people and yourself is one of the best characteristics someone could have. I am the same way, especially by being blunt , to the point, and sometimes "too honest" too quickly.

think nothing more of it, move on from this experience, and chalk it up to experience.

if another question as such comes up, perhaps ask her if "we can talk about it over coffee" Friday night and that will keep it out of the workplace. that would be my solution 8) .

keep any opinions such as politics, religion, sexual topics, abortion, and any other "hot topic" to yourself. if you are asked, have an exit line and an exit plan.

mine is something like: "this is America, anyone can believe whatever they like" and nope out.

steve

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 4:17 am 
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westcoastjohn wrote:
Scott, I agree, a very good analysis and well written. It's a jungle out there. The line we tread is so thin sometimes.

Jake, do you think you scared her, maybe, like you could become a hungry predator?
My answer to a coworker, no romantic expectations, would have been something lighter, like having to do domestic chores as well as all the maintenance. But the fact that she asked makes me wonder where she's coming from. Turn it around, not what's wrong with you, what's up with her?


I don't think i scared her she is usually quite spontaneous personality but has a easy come and easy go attitude. She likes to speak her mind and ask me questions and usually looks up to me to solve a problem she is having i can usually help.

One thing also i am not a predator and will not become one i have witnessed it in my moms side of the family and it destroyed people and ruined my life and others having to grow up around it fortunately i didn't have to witness it and please don't bring up predator again because it is still causing my family pain and it is embarrassing.

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Last edited by jake wells on Jun Wed 19, 2019 4:58 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 4:24 am 
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SparkyDan wrote:
jake wells wrote:
She is perhaps a few years younger than me and asked me question about the hardest things being a man i told her the loneliness and she was shocked and heart broken. I thought i was too direct and should have used a different word. What would you say?


There are several plausible ways to interpret that question . . . the most glaring of which would be inappropriate for this forum. Shocked and heartbroken? Not knowing your situation (none of my business), I can't imagine a scenario where such a question might come up. Methinks your conversational skills might need a little spiffing up, Jake? I don't think bizarre is too far from an apt description of your post. Then again, I'm not privy to what libations your break times might include . . . .

No offense to you, but that's just totally off the wall :shock:

Dan

Well Dan my social skills need to be spiffed up i agree i had little to no social interaction at school or outside the real world and usually kept to myself for a long time. Working a public job has opened me up you can say because at my job you have to speak up, talk, and interact with coworkers, bosses, supervisor, and shop foreman's.
I am still trying but eventually i will get the hang of it and try not get labeled as socially awkward.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 4:32 am 
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Dutch Rabbit wrote:
my opinion and it is just an opinion:

remember, it is 2019, not even 2009 anymore. I would bet that "harassment" would be defined as anything that offends someone and workplaces will go to extremes to not get a lawsuit of such "subject matter" against them.

I know a guy who regularly wore a trench coat to work when it rained. after columbine, people complained because it "offended them". HR told him not to wear it anymore... :| .

be careful in the workplace, not paranoid, but be careful as others have said.

you were asked an honest question.

you gave an honest answer.

I was not there, but what I can take from it, there is no harm, no foul.

you can't help how you feel and being honest with people and yourself is one of the best characteristics someone could have. I am the same way, especially by being blunt , to the point, and sometimes "too honest" too quickly.

think nothing more of it, move on from this experience, and chalk it up to experience.

if another question as such comes up, perhaps ask her if "we can talk about it over coffee" Friday night and that will keep it out of the workplace. that would be my solution 8) .

keep any opinions such as politics, religion, sexual topics, abortion, and any other "hot topic" to yourself. if you are asked, have an exit line and an exit plan.

mine is something like: "this is America, anyone can believe whatever they like" and nope out.

steve

Thank you Steve i will take your word of advice i have taken her out on lunch break for coffee but i felt overwhelmed over it all and was taking a lot of caution.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 5:44 am 
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All of this "politically correct" BS, oh please.

Jake, I think your heart did the speaking, assuming that you live alone and you like the gal. In that case, your response to her was about as honest as one can get.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 6:33 am 
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fifties wrote:
All of this "politically correct" BS, oh please.

Jake, I think your heart did the speaking, assuming that you live alone and you like the gal. In that case, your response to her was about as honest as one can get.

Yes i live alone and i do like her and thank you.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 6:57 am 
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fifties wrote:
All of this "politically correct" BS, oh please.

Jake, I think your heart did the speaking, assuming that you live alone and you like the gal. In that case, your response to her was about as honest as one can get.

+1 to that.

Talking and listening to someone you're interested in as a human person, being open and honest, will take you far.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 10:03 am 
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ALL the above is precisely why I decided long ago, to have as close friends only others whose primary friends, like mine, were machines and not [ugh] people. Machines do not feign, betray, connive, conspire, or just plain con. Oh yes, their designers do. So that you'll have to buy another. But not machines themselves. There is always a knowable and sortable reason for what machines do. In this way, they are more 'rational' than we are.

The safest hardest thing about being a man is getting the last of the toothpaste out of the tube. As the culture 'progresses' toward cannibalism, anything you say (or someone says you said) at work can and will be used against you. For ANY purpose, Morbius. Especially lizard-brain ones.

How delightful it would be if we could breed that proclivity out of the genome. But we're vectoring strongly the other way. Who ya gonna call?

[/curmudgeon]

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