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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:02 pm 
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fifties wrote:
All of this "politically correct" BS, oh please.

Jake, I think your heart did the speaking, assuming that you live alone and you like the gal. In that case, your response to her was about as honest as one can get.


I agree 100%. If you let this PC crap get in the way we will all be living lonely lives.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 12:48 pm 
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[quote]First of all, you were asked a pretty general, vague and, not to be too harsh, stupid question/quote]

First of all, the only stupid question that exists is the one not asked. There's nothing stupid about this, or any other, question

That said, another mentioned a "trap" ... a trap? really? for what? That seems a bit on the paranoid side to me. Going down this road would indicate that you should never talk to anyone, about anything. I agree with those who feel this PC stuff has gone way beyond all reason. If we are being trained to not talk to anyone, and our kids are trained to never even look at anything other than their cell phones, we're doomed.

Then again, we're doomed anyway, for a variety of reasons. Probably the Comet we don't know about that's headed our way .....

You spoke your mind and heart. I'd do the same. Don't second guess yourself about it. :)

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:24 pm 
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fifties wrote:
All of this "politically correct" BS, oh please.

Jake, I think your heart did the speaking, assuming that you live alone and you like the gal. In that case, your response to her was about as honest as one can get.


absolutely agreed, but there is a time and place for everything.

unless someone wants problems in the workplace...again, there is a time and place for everything.

believe me, i am not known for being politically correct :wink: .

in the workplace though, it does not exist. nothing in those topics exist.

i have heard the slightest sexest comment and the slightest political comment get people called to HR, scolded, written up, and even given a few days off without pay.

take that for what it is worth, but is isn' t 1950 anymore.

steve

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:44 pm 
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Dutch Rabbit wrote:
...
believe me, i am not known for being politically correct :wink: ...
steve


Steve, at the risk of going OT, "That is why we like you!" Honest, and to the point.


It often is difficult to find out the motivation behind one's comments etc. I know that
I have been told after the fact that I didn't interpret another's actions and missed an
opportunity, whatever that may be. So be it. I am usually somewhat shy.

So, that being said, I think you just may have gotten some rather good advice, Jake.

Chin up, keep us informed, please?

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 1:55 pm 
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I 2nd the loneliness and responsibility inherent in a Man's life at times. It could be she had expected a completely and totally different response. Gary Cooper in High Noon, after being abandoned by his deputies and the townspeople, and about to face four killers alone...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Aqk4I4zmG8


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 2:14 pm 
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Location: Mountains of Mourne. Ireland.
If you are not streetwise, the crazies will get you in the end... :shock:

:) Greg.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 3:45 pm 
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I guess I am extremely fortunate - I can be alone, but I am never lonely. :|
In times of stress or introspection I always go "inside" rather than seek help or validation
from the "outside". Yes...I am a 'loner' but that does not mean I do not enjoy the company
of other people - I just don't "need" to. It is a delicious freedom! :wink:

I highly suspect that my psychology is the result of an abusive childhood what
with the conflicting signals of verbal and physical abuse, but then later, mere words
stating "I love you". It taught me that people are not always what they seem to be -
my father, for instance, was an abusive alcoholic holy terror at home, but then
outside the home, people thought he was a great guy!

Though out my life I sought a 'soulmate'- and believed I had found her.
But something happened (I was in the wrong) and we drifted apart. AH! But
"lo and behold', I watched as some years went by and "She" moved in a direction
in her life in total contradiction of "Our values".
Was this woman simply "mirroring" me? It appears So...as if she were really
of the same mind and values it wouldn't have mattered if we went our separate
ways...she would have maintained her own integrity.
IF we had married, I may have never known the truth of her duplicity.

So Yes, Jake, "be careful out there"!

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 6:18 pm 
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In no particular order:

If you like her enough to risk your job, go for it and explore taking it to the next level. Being too shy causes regrets.

In California sexual harassment is whatever it is perceived to be my the "victim". The "victim" has no responsibility to alert the harasser. No kidding.

There is a fine line between being a "nice guy" and being perceived as a potential stalker. Attractive women are on guard to nerdie guys who peruse them after being told no. They then get more assertive and are labeled a bitch.

"She is the only friend i am close too..." Get more friends. Take dance lessons. Attend dances. Women like to dance. Women who have time to and the resources to attend dances are more outgoing. They will by necessity of the event spend time on their appearance. This is indicative of good self esteem People who take the initiative to be sociable are ahead of the pack.

Loneliness is a choice. See above.

A thought, in a government bureaucracy you could game the question to your advantage. Certain classes of people are untouchable. The hardest thing about being a man? " Society does not allow me to wear pretty clothes in public" Management will be afraid to mess with you if they hear about that! :wink:

Advantages to genders? It is even, neither wins. Women have more freedom of life choices and women live longer. Women have greater opportunity in the modern professional job market. Men have more pressures, fewer choices, obligations, and die younger. Men are at a disadvantage in the professional job market.

Bottom line? Being preoccupied with one's gender is a dead end. A person must accept who and what they are before they can be happy. Fat/thin, tall/short, race, gender, whatever, accept the things you can not change. Until one can do that life will be difficult.


Last edited by Scot Armstrong on Jun Wed 19, 2019 6:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 6:24 pm 
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Location: Albion, CA, USA, 95410
jake wells wrote:
fifties wrote:
All of this "politically correct" BS, oh please.

Jake, I think your heart did the speaking, assuming that you live alone and you like the gal. In that case, your response to her was about as honest as one can get.

Yes i live alone and i do like her and thank you.


+100

If you like her (in that way) ask her out! In a polite and respectful way that makes it clear that you won't be offended if she says no.

It's like the lottery: If you don't play you can't win!


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 8:17 pm 
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When she was shocked at your answer, it would have been interesting to ask what answer she was expecting.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 8:38 pm 
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Don Cavey wrote:
Dutch Rabbit wrote:
...
believe me, i am not known for being politically correct :wink: ...
steve


Steve, at the risk of going OT, "That is why we like you!" Honest, and to the point.



thanks

some like it, some don't, oh well :lol: .

steve

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You have enemies ? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 8:58 pm 
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:) Unless there's friendship developing, at the worker-acquaintance level, it's difficult to talk about these kinds of subjects.

We all know the answer is complicated. May I suggest a book for her to read? It may provide answers she's looking for.

"Fire in the Belly - on being a Man" by Sam Keen. 1992.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 9:44 pm 
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I didn't get married until I was past 30, only because I wasted several years on a relationship that wasn't going anywhere.

As for workplace issues, ask discreetly around who the troublemakers are, and stay away from them. There are some in every place. Not everyone plays the PC game.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Wed 19, 2019 10:54 pm 
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Jake, I would like to add another caveat to the advice you have already received.

At the risk of sounding a bit paranoid, you must remember that this is the
Age of the Sociopath. Familarize yourself with it's clear definition, as well as
their traits. If you are sending out unconscious signals of being a lonely,
needy guy, you can attract them like flies. Hopefully she is just a lonely
girl that likes you - just "caveat emptor"! Both sexes hide their bad traits during
"courtship" and they do not become evident until it's too late.

And yes, if you marry a woman, the truth is, you ARE making a purchase.
Ohhhh yesss you Are! Men will take more time to evaluate a horse before purchasing it!
Now, this is about the time when a woman or a "man" will protest: "Ba baa, but,
What about Lovvve?"
Love? simply hormones, hypnosis, and NEED. YUK! :roll:
Don't believe it? Simply tell a man (or woman) "I Love you"..but there will be no sex."
Watch 'em scurry away like rats.

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" See the World...That's What it's For...
Understanding...Nothing More."


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Thu 20, 2019 4:20 am 
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you have received some excellent advice.

perhaps i would make sure any relationship talk, going out talk, or whatever you might do to get this ball rolling situation would be done outside the workplace and off company time.

agian, i don't condone being so uptight to be "correct" anywhere, believe me, i'm not that way, but this is the workplace, it is 2019, and there is opportunity to end up in a pickle via true innocence.

i wish you luck, but a game not played will never be won.

steve

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Thu 20, 2019 6:01 am 
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Once I understood lonely had a flip side, Wish I was lonely, I never said I was lonely again


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Thu 20, 2019 6:27 am 
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Yet more reasons above for people to work for themselves, rather than be part of big mess organizations. The PC junk will stop when we all stop allowing it.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Thu 20, 2019 1:38 pm 
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Not sure what is being implied by "PC" in this thread.

If being PC means treating women in the workplace with respect as equals, then not sure why that's a problem. The 1950's are gone permanently, as they should be. Your women coworkers have just the same rights as you do.

I've worked in companies large and small, and both have witnessed and heard stories about harassment in the workplace. I can tell you from those stories that 95% of the people that got in trouble had it coming. Some of those stories you hear on the news are sensationalized to draw readers or viewers. And in some of the sensational stories, the company was looking for an excuse to fire the employee in question for reasons that probably go beyond the one story being reported.

Don't worry too much about your interactions in the workplace. Use judgment and common sense, and if something is said that crosses a line, a simple apology nearly always works. Everyone has boundaries (includes both men and women), and if you hit a boundary, the best thing to do is acknowledge it and ensure you don't hit that same boundary again.


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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Thu 20, 2019 4:27 pm 
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Not meaning to divert the topic too far, but PC is sometimes equated with hostile work environment issues.

The problem with hostile work environment issues is one of perception and subjectivity. What I consider to be hostile or harassing behavior may be perceived as perfectly normal by someone else and it becomes increasing difficult to know what is acceptable to whom.

It is always safest to keep personal matters, ie relationships, outside of the work place. Whether you agree with it or not it is the world we live in today.

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Paul
...... how hard can it be?


Last edited by processhead on Jun Thu 20, 2019 9:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: I was asked a serious question by a coworker.
PostPosted: Jun Thu 20, 2019 5:51 pm 
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The sexual harassment issue, always reminds me of this Tom Brady skit...

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/v ... tion=click


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